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20 HILARIOUS Jokes To Keep You On Your Toes ;)

updated on 7 Comments on 20 HILARIOUS Jokes To Keep You On Your Toes ;)

You guys loved our previous ‘JOKKKEEESSSSSS’ article and this Buzzer even asked for more! Thanks @Didi!

So, to satisfy our sweet Buzzers, here are 25 H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S jokes to keep you on your toes *for back to school ;)*

  1. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool *throws on shades, does Elvis smile* *awkward silence* *slowly walks away* *rephrase: slowly RUNS away*
  2. A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a lizard in the other. “Now, listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to you,” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss its butt and let it go!” *what a perverted lil’ boy*
  3. A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me. I thought, “That’s not very mature!”
  4. A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number. *heh.*
  5. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot. *so, so-, is my nose, a…, a… foot???!?!?!?!*
  6. I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
  7. Doctor: You’re obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too. *btw, everyone’s body is different, there’s no fat, no skinny, there’s only perfect*
  8. I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered scrambled eggs during the Renaissance.
  9. Someone stole my mood ring. I’m not sure how I feel about that *hahahahahahahhaa*
  10. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I’m not sure, but the flag is a big plus!
  11. Check out my new hobby! Eating clocks. Though it is rather time-consuming!
  12. I bought theeeeee WORLD’S WORST thesaurus EVER! Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible…
  13. DID y’all hear about dat new resto called ‘KARMA’? Yeeeeeahhhhh, there’s no menu, ya get what ya deserve!
  14. Friend 1: That joke is funny! Friend 2: You have absolutely no vocabulary, ugh! FUNNY? Seriously???? Friend 1: Hey! That’s not…, that’s not, umm…
  15. Dad: Why did you do that to your sister? *kid fake cries* Dad: LIARRRR!!!!!!

16. A man buys a cheap parrot, that keeps swearing all day long. He tries therapy with a parrot whisperer to no avail. He plays relaxing classical music to the bird to no avail. To add insult to injury, the parrot spears him with its beak, and he needs to go the ER. Exacerbated, the man sticks the parrot in his freezer.

One hour later, he opens the freezer. The parrot is still alive and well, and says:

– I apologize deeply, Sir, for having misbehaved. I will make sure that my language will be pleasurable to you in the future. My apologies.

Dumbfounded, the man keeps listening to the bird, who says:

– By the way, the chicken and the turkey… What had they done?

*oof, that was a long one, but a good ‘un! Off to number 17!*

17. Once upon a time at Fairmountain School, there was a musical. 18 students were painting their logo, a giant, blue ‘F’, they would hold up the 18 letters, reading ‘We Love The World’, but the L was missing! They held up all the letters, but it read ‘We Love The Word’, and then, in the middle of ‘The’ and ‘Word’, the giant F logo came in, and now it read ‘We Love The F Word’, the parents fired the drama teacher…

18. A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. *how DARE you????!!!*

19. Where can you drown a hipster? In the ~mainstream~ *some daaaaark humour*

20. LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!! People are always telling me to believe in my dreams, but I don’t wanna be naked in a History exam!!!! *shadeeeeee*

Well, Buzzers, that’s your lot, want more jokes? Check out these 15 hilarious jokes, or ask in the comments, we’ll brew up some more ASAP!

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