How To Recognize A Martian 101

Oh, we-ll, I did not expect to see you here! Hmph. Are you here for the human test? Oh, good. Wait a few minutes, we have some Jups coming in before. After you are a few Venes. Don’t worry. It’s only 2 hours. Plus, in Colanjar, you have absolutely no concept of time! Ahaha! Anyways, here’s a small file to read before you start. Salient. Don’t skip a single letter, and plus on Neptune, we’re more advanced than those polluting Earthlings. We detect where you eyes move from the paper, so, yep. Also, do you like my shoes? I put my hamsters in the heel the other day, do you like the little wheel? Haha, I programmed them to make it by themselves, anyway read the paper and see you later!

THE PAPER:

Neps Learnings Essent: How To Recognize A Martian

How/To/Recognize/A/Martian

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1. Have no hair.
2. Nervous and self-conscious.
3. Can be any colour. But not grey. Not anymore, at least…
4. Own a robot.
5. Obsessed with books.
6. They don’t go to school.
7. Despise society.
8. Have perennial amounts of questions.
9. They don’t believe anything anyone says.
10. Impatient.
11. Extremely irritable.
12. Despise the ignorant.
13. Feel superior to others (sadly, they lost against Urns because of that…)
14. Hate animals.
15. Like sitting down more than standing up.
16. Scared of mirrors.
17. Scared of floors.
18. All have PTSD (they have it hard.)
19. Hate the concept of IQs.
20. Listen to metal (at least they have personality!)
21. Have humor that is so dark it is macabre.
22. Like creepy things, but not mirrors. NO mirrors…
23. Like looking at skulls (real ones…)
24. Up until they turn 8, they think they are actually cactuses (hey, they have those antennas to make up for it! *shrugs*)
25. Angry at Earth.
26. 69% are astronomy virtuosos.
27. 30% is obsessed with physics.
28. When they turn 29, they become foul-mouthed.
29. Believe humans are Altocumulus undulates.
30. They aren’t humans.

End.

FILE fiNisHed.

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Also,

It is time for your appointment. And yes, we have been recording you this whole time. The Martian life is hard. And privacy is only unavailable here. Worry = no.

APPOINTMENT HAS COMMENCED.

xxxxxx

TheBuzz Team